Litany

Hello all,

Recently I entered an online poetry 'form' competition, a bit of fun, where everyone had to write a Litany, which is a poem, almost like a prayer, where the first word or first few words are repeated on every line. Anyway, I WON!!! And as winner I have the pleasure of selecting the next form and judging the competition. If anyone is interested the website is www.online-literature.com/forums and it's a nice site with a reading section, a writing section, and a general section, and they have blogs too!

Anyway, here is the poem:

Swallow

I swallow the kiss of a secret lover.
I swallow the hand reaching out for another.
I swallow the joy from a toddler’s smile.
I swallow the watch with the broken dial.
I swallow the dreams of a newlywed bride.
I swallow the memories from a dying man’s eyes.
I swallow the hope of a new generation.
I swallow the pause in a long conversation.
I swallow the what, the how, and the why.
I swallow the stars from a crisp autumn sky.
I swallow the essence of a good man’s soul.

I swallow the Earth then spit it out again, whole.

Beware of gifts

(In response to a total absence of reaction to the previous script I posted, here is a sequel scene. As you can see, things get jolly exciting. There are two points of information I would like to add about these scripts - firstly, the story of which they form part was worked out before the scripts were written. Secondly, though each script runs to about a single page (before formatting as a script) I wrote several pages describing to myself the two characters, they relationship to each other and to other charcters not present, ie their parents, their objectives, and, of course, their inside leg measurements. In short, I had a very concrete idea of who these people were and what they were up to before making up a word of dialogue. Only my failing to have actually visited Bosnia prevents me from having a full picture of where they are and what it is like - and I have a relative who has been to this sunny clime I can chat to should I wish to take this story further. Comments, as always, be they ever so hurtful, are welcome. Meanwhile, has anybody else got a script they want to share?)

GRACE: What are you doing back here?
ANDY: We gotta go.
GRACE: Go? Go where?
ANDY: Leave. Leave now!
GRACE: Leave the flat?
ANDY: The flat. The town. This country.
GRACE: Leave Bosnia?
ANDY: At last! I’m getting through.
GRACE: We came here to do a job.
ANDY: And I’ve screwed it up.
GRACE: Why? How?
ANDY: We haven’t time for this.
GRACE: Andy, you’re not making sense.
ANDY: I went to see Voislav.
GRACE: I know – the biggest sex trafficker here.
ANDY: He paid me to see the girl.
GRACE: Aldina? The pregnant girl?
ANDY: He made me talk her into going.
GRACE: So? Is your conscience bothering you?
ANDY: Apparently!
GRACE: What happened?
ANDY: He gave me money… and a gift.
GRACE: What sort of gift?
ANDY: A gun. A pistol.
GRACE: Something for the man who has everything.
ANDY: Then I thought, “I hate this monster.”
GRACE: And?
ANDY: And I shot him.
GRACE: You did what!?
ANDY: I shot him.
GRACE: You twit! You bastard!
ANDY: I know. I just – just lost it.
GRACE: We’re trying to stop a sex trafficker…
ANDY: I know.
GRACE: But not by bloody murdering him.
ANDY: I know! They’ll be after us.
GRACE: You promised our parents we’d be safe.
ANDY: Well, we’re not now.
GRACE: No! Now you’re gonna get us killed.
ANDY: That’s why we have to leave.
GRACE: You were like this as a kid.
ANDY: What?
GRACE: Every Christmas…
ANDY: What are you on about?
GRACE: Someone gave you something you didn’t like…
ANDY: What do you mean?
GRACE: You always threw it back at them!

END OF PIECE

Addendum to the Script / Dialogue Workshop

This a kind of addendum on the Script /Dialogue Workshop example posted by the CADWC Secretary, about to characters called Fred and ‘Ginger.’ I think it is a lovely little scene that works well.

However, I feel readers should be aware that the original version was written under certain restrictions and did not appear in quite this form at first. To explain:

• the scene had to include two characters;
• there were to be no ‘stage’ directions and no scene-setting preamble;
• no speech could be longer than seven words.

As you can imagine, this can seem quite restrictive at first, and yet the beauty of this scene was that it did work perfectly well with dialogue only, and with only short speeches.

This does not mean all screen drama needs to be written like this. It does have the effect, though, of injecting pace into a scene – and that’s important for capturing today’s spoilt-for-choice, remote-control-armed audience.

You might care to try this exercise yourself. Then scrutinise the result to see if it fulfils the fundamental requirements of setting both scene and characters for the reader/audience, as well has having pace. Above all it has attention-grabbing quality that would work both as part of a much larger story and as a ‘micro-story’ in its own right. And don’t you just want to know what happens next?

The idea for this exercise was not mine – like all good ideas, I knicked it from somewhere else – a writing course I had been on, and adapted it. Therefore it seems only fair that I tender my own humble example that I did for that course, and you can make your mind up whether it works or not, by these yardsticks. Please feel free to comment as you wish. Per censuram eruditio.

Persuasion
Grace: Hi, Andy, what are you doing here?
Andy: Grace, what are you playing at?
Grace: What do you mean?
Andy: Mum and Dad are worried sick.
Grace: Why?
Andy: ‘Why’? Why do you think?
Grace: They think you can change my mind.
Andy: Get you to see their view.
Grace: And you’ll succeed where they failed.
Andy: Not just them – I think it’s madness.
Grace: Listen, Andy, something’s got to be done.
Andy: But why by you?
Grace: Why not me?
Andy: What can you do on your own?
Grace: Lots of things. I know about this.
Andy: Sex trafficking?
Grace: I do work at the Home Office.
Andy: No qualification for going to Bosnia.
Grace: It’s good enough.
Andy: Grace, it’s too dangerous to go alone.
Grace: Fine. Come with me.
Andy: What!?
Grace: Come with me. You could be helpful.
Andy: What would I want to go for?
Grace: To do the right thing.
Andy: I’d rather do right by staying home.
Grace: How would that help these poor women?
Andy: They’re not my concern. You are.
Grace: So come with me.
Andy: And do what?
Grace: Look after your little sister.
Andy: That’s what I’m trying to do now.
Grace: And it’ll keep Mum and Dad happy.
Andy: What am I going to tell them?
Grace: That you’ve suddenly developed a backbone.
Andy: I don’t think they’ll believe that.
Grace: Why not, you softie?
Andy: Had I, I’d stand up to you.

End of Scene