Saturday 27 October 2007

Indelicate

At the recent meeting we undertook a writing burst exercise. One of the unused words was 'Indelicate', which was my choice and a word I have been thinking about for a few days. I finally was able to construct something, please let me know what you think :)

Indelicate

This is the moment of turning,
when the ocean swells
and spreads towards
the shore.
A solitary shell,
waits exposed
in foetal curl,
its delicate surface
sand-scarred
to pitted bone,
and just a
trace of pearl
remains;
a memory
encircling
the point of entry.
Inside another memory sings
of distance and motion,
of white sands,
the taste of foreign skin,
the sharp allure
of the exotic.
It is a song that hums
closer, ever closer
as the ocean
encroaches, slipping
into the open lip
depositing salt,
sand, memory,
enveloping
ridge and curl.
With each stroke
it sinks
deep, deeper
into annihilation,
aware only of
the power of
the waves,
and the force
that drives
it relentlessly
to its own
destruction.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thought this was beautiful, just great, thoughtful and expressive, until half way through - until 'exotic'. After that I wasn't so sure, it seemed a bit indulgent, a touch melodramatic. Just my opinion tho! If I am able, I will post something soon so it doesn't look like I'm criticising but not exposing myself to criticism.

Unknown said...

Hi - thanks bronte bat! The reference to 'exotic' was in relation to the ocean telling stories of where it had been, but in fact the whole poem is a metaphor for something other than a shell and the sea. Indulgent indeed - it could be no other way!

Mistlethrush said...

Just read this and gut reaction is that it is about coitus although there seems to be other elements in it too.
Sometimes two layers are enough (certainly for poems written with intention). Try to introduce more layers and the whole poem gets confused. The other way of looking at it is that readers can pull out however many layers they want to and so see what they want in a poem. At the end of the day it's all about readers' responses and preferences.

Mistlethrush said...

Further to the above, what I enjoyed is the attention to detail and ambiguity of it all.

Unknown said...

thanks mistlethrush - you're gut reaction was definitely correct!